Dominance and Submission
by milliniumgirl9
Summary: A darkish, angst-filled fic about Narcissa Malfoy's reflections on life with Lucius and the years of constant abuse. Named after the Blue Oyster Cult song


Author's Note: Chello, everyone! For my kind reviewers, I have come up with a new story that leans towards the dark, from Narcissa Malfoy's point-of- view about living with Lucius (hey, he may be hot, but no one ever said he was nice). R&R, please! Enjoy! (or sit through torture...whichever you feel like...)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter world (no matter how hard I wish, try, pretend, or complain) and of course, it belongs to J.K. Rowling. The only thing I own is the plot and the computer I'm typing this on (okay, I lied, it's my parents, but it just goes to show you how pointless it would be to sue me). The title is taken from Blue Oyster Cult's song, "Dominance and Submission". I don't think the lyrics really go, but I liked the title, so there you have it. Anyway, carry on..  
  
  
  
Warning: You may see a few spelling or grammatical mistakes or switching of verb tenses. Sorry about that, but I don't have a beta reader and I just wanted to get it on FF.net, but yes, I did use spell check. I don't want to discourage you, so I'll just shut up now, shall I? If anyone could help me with HTML, I would be forever grateful.  
  
  
  
"Oh yeah,  
  
It's been ten years, half my life  
  
Just getting ready but then it was time"  
  
-Blue Oyster Cult; "Dominance and Submission"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dominance and Submission: Narcissa Malfoy's memories.  
  
  
  
For as long as I can remember, Lucius has always been the dominant one. He made all of the decisions, all of the plans. He controlled everything, including me, while I sat idly by and watched it happen. It was as if I was under the Imperious Curse, unable to talk, act, speak, or think of my own free will. I only wanted to please him. When I first saw Lucius, I remember thinking that I absolutely had to be with him. He was standing at Platform 9 ¾, pale hair combed back, skin like porcelain, tombstone eyes flashing, barking orders to a quivering house-elf. Reeking of Malfoy arrogance and supremacy. Yet, to me, he was handsome boy who knew his place in the world and took advantage of it. I guess it was the Slytherin in me. I don't know.  
  
  
  
Lucius and I ended up dating throughout our seven years at Hogwarts. Sometimes when he was particularly angry with me he would shout or strike me. No warning signs flashed in my eyes, my mind never told me to proceed with caution. Why risk missing out on a marriage to rich, pureblooded Slytherin, not to mention extremely handsome? I never spoke up against him or told anyone else, out of fear, but mostly out of greed and selfishness. How delusional was I then? We were married at the end of our seventh year at an elaborate and expensive ceremony, with mostly Slytherin or former- Slytherin guests, most with ties to the Dark side. Lucius had casually mentioned on our honeymoon night joining Voldemort, as he was gaining power and becoming stronger. I, of course, accepted, willing to do anything to keep him happy. Looking back I realize how stupid, foolish, and impressionable I was, giving up my life for a man who didn't even love me. Who thought of me only as his Slytherin trophy bride. A pretty face only for show, to produce the heir to the Malfoy name and family fortune. To show the world how powerful he was and that he could anything his cold, glacial heart desired.  
  
  
  
I was the submissive one, bending to his will, agreeing to anything he said or with anything he did. If I displeased him, he would slap me and curse me out, even occasionally hex me. Nothing life-threatening, yet. It continued for about two years, gradually worsening, more power behind a slap, punch, or hex. Everything I did seemed to infuriate him, so I just stopped trying. I was desperately miserable. When Draco was born, I thought it would end. It did for a while, during my pregnancy and the short period after he was born. He didn't want to maim his sole heir in any way, shape, or form. I supposed putting me in St. Mungo's wouldn't have looked too good, either. The abuse came back, though, as I knew it would, worse than ever. Whenever Draco screamed or cried, instead of harming him, he took it out on me and would violently scream at the nursemaid to shut him up. As if it were my fault I had gotten pregnant. He said if I bore him a girl, he would kill her, no child of his would be a female. So, I guess Draco was my savior in some ways. At least if he had a son, there would be someone to carry on the Malfoy name. All through the pregnancy, he would constantly tease and taunt me, but never physically harm me. He would say how fat and unattractive I'd become, how no man would want me. Lucius often reduced me tears. I knew these things were untrue, of course, but they hurt all the same. I wanted to break free, to leave and take my son with me, to leave behind my misery, but I had no place to go and if I left, he would surely catch up with me and kill me. Lucius was heavily into the Dark Arts now, Voldemort was at the height of his reign.  
  
  
  
When Draco was about a year old, the Potters were cruelly murdered by Lord Voldemort. I felt awful for them, even though they were former Gryffyndors and were against everything I supposedly stood for, but I couldn't help myself. I knew they had a small son, about Draco's age and I wondered what would become of him. It came as a shock to me, but Lucius apparently knew of it though, as he was now strutting around the manor with an ever-present smirk and swagger. That was before he heard the news that Voldemort had met his downfall from his Death Eater mates, though. It was awful and the guilt I felt was beyond words, knowing that Lucius had somehow been behind it sickened me. After the news, he went into a furious, drunken rage and no one dared cross him. He killed one of the house-elves and cast the Cruciatus Curse on me several times, one of which after leaving it on for about three minutes, very nearly killing me. I was surprised I didn't go mad after that. He had a staff of private doctors (who were paid very well) to insure I didn't die or go mad and that it was all kept a secret. The accused Death Eater trials were particularly trying as well, but he was acquitted and then did a complete turn-around. I was completely confused and disoriented. My mind spun into a frenzy. After years of constant mental and physical abuse, it all of a sudden stopped. Lucius wasn't especially kind, mind, but he was completely civil. Afterward, I found out that he was being watched very closely by the Ministry of Magic, even after the charges had been dropped. Of course.  
  
  
  
Draco was such a sweet child growing up(not that he would ever admit it now) but as he grew older, Lucius took over his "fatherly" role and slowly began turning him into a Junior Death Eater. He vowed that the Dark Lord would rise again and that Draco would be properly trained and ready when it happened. It was hard for me as a mother to see my little boy become so cold and dark, but as the Ministry had removed the watch on Lucius, he could now do as he pleased, and I didn't want to feel his wrath again. It was not a pleasant experience. I had no say in it, but I hardened myself as well, so I would give him less of a reason to abuse me, and to toughen myself up so I might be prepared. My mind was on the lookout this time, and I wanted to be ready for any chance of escape. After all of the years of being controlled and dominated, something inside of me was telling me to take control, to wake up. So I did.  
  
  
  
On Draco's eighteenth birthday, I found out he was to be initiated into Death Eater's circle. Lucius, unfortunately, was right and the Dark Lord did rise again. I was utterly horrified when I heard of it. I didn't want him to turn out like his cruel, sadistic father. It was bad enough that he was the spitting image of him. I knew that if I rebelled this time, I would swiftly and surely be killed without hesitation. No one was going to stand in Lucius's way without consequence. I came up with a plan, ready to put into effect on that fateful night, internal quarrels aside, knowing that it probably wouldn't work and I would get myself killed in the process, but I had to try and save my son. To give him a better life.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: So, how did you like that little piece of darkness? Well, maybe not little, but I think it's the longest thing I've ever wrote (kind of sad, isn't it?). More drama on the way.....  
  
Coming soon: A Lucius Malfoy POV fic or another Narcissa chapter. I haven't decided yet. 


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